i am...

so this past week i was feeling very down on myself and feeling that the end of something amazing was at an end. i was stressed about school and homework, life, the guy, what my future holds for me, absolutely everything imaginable. and although i still have my doubts about things i've decided to change my attitude about them and just let what happens... happen. i know i'm being watched over and that everything happens for a reason.

i fall in love too easily.
i start to stress before i really have to.
i procrastinate with absolutely everything.
i miss my family more than i thought.
i miss my friends and actual in person conversations.
i get jealous too quickly and jump to conclusions.
i am emotional and overanalytical.
i spend too much money.
i hate feeling vulnerable.
i need a therapist.

BUT...

throughout it all i've discovered something about myself.

i am a strong individual.
i know how to stress and destress easily. even though i don't always do it.
i am extremely caring.
i try to figure out things that just don't need to be figured out yet.
i love to love things.
i have caring friends who know how to talk to me.
i have a mother that i can call anytime i need to. no matter what.
i can work very hard if i just dive in and do it.
i am open with talking about my feelings.
i can be independent even if i don't want to.
i can be vulnerable and gain from it.

i am a woman, age 18, who although has had a rough week,
can turn around my attitude and change things for the better.

dear life,

i like... flag football at the end of the day, street singers who give me a soundtrack for walking to class and stepping on leaves in the fall while the sun is setting.

i like eric... and i like when he calls me to tell me he is coming over to see me even though he has tons of homework and has a test tomorrow and class at 8.15 and i tell him he needs to study. but... i most definitely don't say he can't come over. [:

i like my family.... i like when my aunt kris calls me and leaves me a five minute or longer voicemail just rambling. because that's what she does, and i like that she sends me bread and cookies. those are always nice. and i like calling my mom and dad just cause. and i like being able to talk to little bug a lot more now and she tells me everything that's up.

i like... missionaries. my brother is coming home the 5th of january and i seriously can't wait that long. yes, i've waited two years and i got to talk to him on the phone but now?.... it just feels like he needs to be home. scott gets home the 29th of december and i can't wait to see him either. new years will be good for me i'm thinking! maybe i'll take scott ice skating or something fun like that. he said i needed to have plans.


recently i've been in a bad mood. especially yesterday, almost getting hit by a car, online class not working, being stressed, not being able to see eric besides at flag football before he started reffing. but today i've decided i'll end my night on a good note. my life isn't horrible, i have people that worry about me and care about me and love me. i live in a nice place even though it doesn't always feel like home. i eat decent enough food. i have amazing friends and family and a boy that for some reason adores me. and i adore him to pieces. life... is good. and i can be in a good mood for that.

love, me.

thank you seminary.

i almost got hit by a car today.

let me tell you people the story.... i was walking from the rec center, just dropped off my teams registration for intramural volleyball, and i'm walking back to the sub to work on homework, i look up and BAM, slam my hand into the hood of a car. who would have thought that when walking across the crosswalk you'd REEEEally have to look out for those people that just don't care and don't pay attention, it's ridiculous. i guess going to seminary in idaho falls and learning how to jump out of the way is good practice for grown up life. thank you seminary, for saving my life. who knew!?

now onto what's been going on... today has been so stressful, my online class stuff wouldn't open BUT i figure it out a little bit ago while i was on the phone with my mother complaining about it. thank you dallin for giving me the resources to torrent BUT my love... the screw up my connecting to boise. go figure. now i have to enable/disable to open my class. it's totally okay though. i've got so many new movies already and music and yeah, it's alright. i got it figured out. i should definitely work at the it place like you. just kidding. but other than that, i hate english, i'm pretty sure i won't be getting an amazing grade in there this semester. if i had a ncie teacher i probably would be top of the class but... i don't so eff her. history is kicking my butt. hardcore. and human anatomy... don't start with that. let's just say, i'm not doing so hot. i've decided i'm gonna write a manual about the things people don't tell you about college. starting now.

college advice #1: don't skip class. ever.
it becomes a habit after the first time you do it. you're like... ugh i don't want to get up, nothing is due today and it's not that hard. but people please, it's the worst idea ever. then you get used to it and every time you think there is nothing too big due and nothing is going on, you'll want to skip class and it's just not good. how would that effect you later on in life? use all your sick days at work before you're really sick. so when you ARE sick... you still have to work and it's awful.
that's my first amount of advice for now.

hmm.... dear you.

so... siting in human anatomy.. bored out of my mind, i really should be listening but i can't stand it right now. who needs to know about skin right!? right. so it's come to the worst, blogging in class and being on facebook and just everything imaginable that i shouldn't be doing in class. last time i went... i drew a pictuer of emily and i. and she's actually kinda paying attention right now.



my weekend to utah was absolutely fantastic!! the game was awesome and i LOVE seeing my friends. i decided that the dorms at utah state are awesome and i wish that i would have gone there BUT if i would have, i wouldn't have met a lot of people that are my friends now and those other special people. ;] i liked meeting danny and katie. i mean i hear about them and how awesome that are but you'd never know till you met them. i can see katie and i being very close friends. i love my dear darling david. oh how i've missed his beard and face and just him. gosh and WHITNI...



dear whitni, we are the future norma and karma. we have to be. i mean they've been friend for 32 years. we are on our way. they met in college but us!? we met in junior high and although we're going to different colleges, we are still friends, that's GOT to mean something. what wouldi do without you? telling me to take a deep breath when i'm freaking out or telling me to knock it off when i'm crying or just being there to talk to. without you... i'd legitimately go insane. for real. you really are my best friend and i'm so proud of you for the things you're doing and looking into. you're present from your adoptive family will be arriving shortly and you HAVE to call me when you get it. i want to hear what you think of it. [:

now.. .i'm sitting in my room. bored as well. i hate weekends where special someone is busy BUT his family is here this weekend from oregon so it's totally okay. he came to visit me at the dorms before he went to do anything though just so he could say hi so... i can't complain. i love life right now. [: yayeeeeee. but it looks like i'm going to play volleyball right now. i'll definitely DEFINITELY post more later.